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"Harry Freakin' Potter"
Superstar
Vital statistics
Written by Darren Criss
Appearances A Very Potter Sequel, Act 1, Part 2
Participants Ron Weasley, Harry Potter, Rita Skeeter, Neville Longbottom, Dean Thomas, Seamus Finnigan, Cho Chang, Molly Weasley, Percy Weasley, Fred Weasley, George Weasley

Ron Weasley and the other kids (plus Rita Skeeter and Molly Weasley) tell Harry Potter about how he defeated Lord Voldemort as a baby.

Lyrics

RON:

You're Harry Freakin' Potter! You don't understand you're a legend, man, to us all!

Every son and daughter--

RON & THE KIDS: [spoken] "SAFE!"

RON:

... From You-Know-Who, all because of you! You were small, but I wonder if you can recall...

[CHORUS: Oooo...]

RON:

Long story short, this guy, [whispered] "Voldemort" was super cruel...

HARRY:

[spoken] "Voldemort?"

THE KIDS:

[GASP!] "SHHH!!!"

CHORUS: Oooo...]

RON: ... Tried to kill you & your parents, and this is where it gets intensely cool...

Even though you were a tiny little boy, you shoulda died but you survived and then destroyed this evil guy and it's story we enjoy to tell....

RON & THE KIDS:

You're Harry Freakin' Potter! We don't prefer Gandalf, Merlin, or Oz, You're a whole lot hotter! With that lighting scar, you're a superstar to us all! If we're in trouble we know who to call!

[DANCE BREAK]

RITA SKEETER:

You're Harry Freakin' Potter! I wouldn't wince at all, you're invincible to all harm!

Like betty crocker--

RITA SKEETER & THE KIDS:

[Oooh!]

RITA:

... I wanna eat you up! No one'll beat you up with that charm! Remember, Harry, kid, you're the Boss, you're the King, you're the Bomb!

HARRY:

But this is all so sad, I mean, my Mom and Dad were killed, long ago...

THE KIDS:

[Long ago they died!]

HARRY:

... I wanna be psyched, but being unliked is all I know...

CHORUS:

[... All he knows, that's why--]

HARRY:

I never thought I'd be a part of such a fate, an opportunity eleven years late... I guess it's time for me step up to the plate and show 'em that I'm something great!

I'm Harry Freakin' Potter! I'll do what I can if what you say I am is true!

I can't be bothered by my awful past, I've found at last something I can do, so it's time I knew exactly who I am...

I'm Harry Freakin' Potter!

THE KIDS:

You're Harry Freakin' Potter!

HARRY:

Yes?

HARRY & THE KIDS

I'm/You're Harry Freakin' Potter--

HARRY:

... And I'm the Man!

THE KIDS:

[Ahhhhhh]

HARRY & THE KIDS:

[spoken] "HARRY FREAKIN' POTTER!"

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