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"Dark, Sad, Lonely, Knight" is a song from the Holy Musical B@man! musical sung by Alfred (Chris Allen) and Batman (Joseph Walker). It is the first track on the "That's What I Call StarKid! Volume 2" album. A demo recording performed by Nick Gage and an instrumental version of the song can also be found on the album.
Lyrics
Alfred: Poor Master Bruce, poor Mr. Wayne
Lonely caboose on a one car train.
And it pains me to watch you amble along
This track of loneliness I laid down for you.
I remember that horrible night, the night you were split in two
And I swore I’d protect you (and I haven’t).
So I built a wall all around you, but the wall was too tall
And it blocked out all of the birds and the sun.
I tried to raise you right, I tried to raise you proper.
I tried to be a mentor and a friend, and a mama and a papa too.
And insulate you from any outside source of fright.
And make bloody certain you’ll never see another
Dark, sad, lonely night.
Batman: As I look at my life I see something’s not right
Like a thousand percent.
And I wonder what it is, how it is that it’s always just me here
Crying alone at the end of the night, ten thousand percent.
Put most of the blame on Alfred.
How come he couldn’t take the bullet intended for mama and papa?
I never had a pony. I never had pets.
Just a bullshit butler, who builds bullshit jets.
Oh! I’m falling apart, I need a friend.
Somebody to hold on to. Somebody to confide in.
Think of the children, next time you gun down their mama and papa.
Because they probably don’t have another mama and papa.
I was seein’ a girl for a while, a couple days anyway
And I told her I loved her.
She said you’re such a good friend and that rash is bad
You should really go see a doctor.
Then she just disappeared, sent me some text about bad timing
And my love being selfish.
Then my doctor called up and the blood came back and as it turns out
I’m allergic to peanuts and shellfish.
I loved peanuts and shellfish once.
I’m falling apart, I’m lacking punch.
I can barely eat. This morning I barely touched my brunch.
Two spoons of oatmeal, a couple of nuts, and half a banana.
And like my soul, the banana was bruised and black.
I’m falling apart, I need a friend.
Somebody to hold on to, somebody to confide in.
Somebody to ride in the cockpit
Co-captain of the friendship ship.
Or maybe just a friend ship.
If I had a buddy, we could discuss
Just what we call friendship.
I want to be somebody’s buddy
Somebody who can be my buddy back.
I want to be somebody’s buddy
Anybody but a dumbshit butler.
(repeated)
Superman: I want to be somebody’s buddy
Somebody who can be my buddy back.
(repeated)
Green Lantern: I want to be somebody’s buddy
Somebody who can be my buddy back.
(repeated)
Batman: I want to be somebody’s buddy.